One afternoon during my high school senior year, I came home ranting. My dad calmly listened as my arms flailed and my words flew.
“Why do girls have to wear dresses or skirts to school? Why can’t we wear slacks? Jeans? Have they ever watched us climb the bleachers in a skirt? Do they think it’s still the 1800s?”
Believe me, my dad got an earful. When I stopped to breathe, he took the pause to share these wise words with me: “If you don’t like the policy, then do something to change it.”
Change it? An adult was encouraging me to take on the establishment?
He helped me with a plan, which was actually a petition. A couple sentences at the top of a page stated the undersigned requested the school board consider changing the rule so girls could wear slacks.
The next day, I made copies, gathered student council and cheerleading friends, and my middle sister, gave them each a few pages, a pen, a section of our little town to canvas and out we went. Within two days, we had over 500 signatures. That was over half the population of our town. We went to the next school board meeting and presented our case. The vote was unanimous. The next day, I wore slacks to school.
Until then, I had no idea a “kid” could bring about change. Instead of complaining, I could act. Here’s what I learned from my dad’s words, which are the key concepts behind encouragement in the form of a challenge:
• See a need
• Discern the best way to address it
• Be brave enough to act
Without my dad’s challenge, who knows how long I would have ranted. He empowered me to change that one policy, helped me find a way to change it, then encouraged me to be brave enough to follow through.
My dad had learned the power of a challenge during his college years. He told me the story about his history professor. (I’ll call him Professor T.) According to my dad, Professor T had an extremely high opinion of himself, and an equally low opinion of his students.
Professor T took great delight in asking questions, then belittling any student and the answer they were brave enough to offer.
This infuriated my dad and he came up with a plan. He dug into the reading assignments. He went to the library and researched the historical events they were studying. Then he put his plan into action. Instead of waiting for Professor T to ask questions, my dad started asking the professor questions of his own.
Professor T had answers for some of the questions. He didn’t have answers for more of them. He was forced to say, “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
My dad continued his research and questions through the whole semester. On the last day of class, Professor T dismissed the students, but said, “Walter, would you please stay? I’d like to talk to you.”
As my dad approached the desk, he was sure he was in trouble. Professor T stood, then held out his right hand for a handshake. Somewhat puzzled, Dad took hold of the professor’s hand. What came next was completely unexpected.
“I want to thank you,” Professor T began. “I’ve taught this class for years and years and I was getting complacent. Bored with the material, I suppose. But you, Walter, you made this class interesting. Your questions challenged me. Forced me to go back and study the material. To dig deeper. Made me remember why I loved this class in the first place. And for that, I want to thank you.”
My dad learned more than just history in that class. He learned the concepts he taught me years later.
See a need. Show Professor T he didn’t know everything.
Discern how to address it. Find facts the professor didn’t know.
Be brave enough to act. Ask the hard questions.
Recently, my sister was having an ongoing issue with a client, who continued to undervalue my sister’s work. They had numerous discussions about this. After listening to my sister relate the latest same old conversation, I said to her, “She won’t change until you do.” (My encouragement in the form of a challenge.)
A light bulb seemed to appear.
“That’s true,” she said. “Thank you for saying that.”
Challenges often come with risk. My sister may lose her client or choose to continue working for less money. My dad’s professor could have lashed out at him or taken it out on his final grade. I could have continued complaining about the unfairness of a school rule. Instead, rising to the challenge made each of us stronger, and taught us we had the power to enact change in our lives and the lives of others.
And that is the power of encouragement!
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Roxanne (Roxy) Henke has learned challenges help us grow. You can reach her at roxannehenke@gmail.com.
