If you are a Facebook or Instagram user, something will pop into your feed from a perfect stranger every now and then. Who knows how it got there. Maybe it’s a friend of a friend of a third cousin once removed.
That happened to me a few months ago. I saw a post from someone, and I had no clue who he was. The guy wrote about a short conversation he had (with a perfect stranger) while waiting in line. He went on to say how nice it was to interact with this random person, and he urged his friends to be brave and strike up conversations with people they don’t know.
My heart leapt! Seriously? He thought that was unusual? I quickly commented on his post, “I love this! Talking to strangers is my superpower!”
He private messaged me. “Really? You regularly talk to people you don’t know? I’m curious. How do you do this?”
I sat back and laughed. Talking to strangers comes so naturally to me, I wasn’t sure how I did it. How could I explain my superpower to a “mere mortal?”
I had to think about it.
Many years ago, I attended a writer’s conference in California. I’d been there the year before, so I knew my way around the campus better than the first-timer who was in the registration line in front of me. I offered to walk her to the building where she’d be staying. As we walked across the beautiful, forested conference site, I greeted people. “Hello.” I’d give a little wave. After I’d greeted maybe a dozen people, my “new friend” stopped in her tracks and asked, “Do you know EVERYONE here?”
I’m sure the look I gave her was pure puzzlement. “What do you mean?” I asked. “I don’t know any of the people I said hello to.”
She was astounded I would greet people I didn’t know.
I’ve thought about that incident quite often and I’ve determined one big difference is I grew up in a small, rural community. I said “hi” to everyone, because even if I didn’t know them, they knew me and my parents. Being friendly was how I grew up. And, just because I happened to be in a “strange place” didn’t mean people were “strangers.”
But, back to my superpower of talking to strangers. When asked how I did it, I had to think some more.
I remember my mom telling me about a time when I was about 3 years old, and my dad was getting so frustrated with me.
“Why does she ask so many questions?” My mom’s reply summed it up, “Walt, how else will she learn?”
Some months ago, I was in the dreaded middle seat on an airplane. The man next to me was working on a Sudoku puzzle. I’m horrible with numbers and that’s all that game is. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. Finally, I said, “I can’t figure that game out. Can you tell me the basics?”
He was happy to explain. (People love sharing something they’re good at with people who are clueless, like me.) I asked him if he was “leaving home” or “going home.” He went on to tell me about the church mission trip he was returning from.
I chimed in, “I’m a Christian, too.”
He smiled and said, “I could tell.”
And, that’s when I realized the three core elements of my superpower. Here they are, just in case you want this superpower, too.
The first: genuine curiosity. I really, truly want to learn things about people, about occupations, about new cities, favorite cafés, hobbies, pets, and the list goes on. I temper that with sensitivity. I can sense when there are certain topics people may not want to talk about.
The second: I was raised to believe everyone, absolutely everyone, is created equal. When you approach a conversation with an attitude of respect and compassion, people respond. In the course of a conversation, people tell me the most astounding things.
And, three: I talk to people as if they were already a friend. Often, we laugh together. Sometimes, we cry.
As the saying goes, “People won’t remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel.”
Even though my connection with strangers may be brief, I like to think that person feels seen, heard and valued. I use my superpower like superheroes – to do good.
What’s your superpower? Feel free to give mine a try. Be careful, because being a superhero is powerful.
Roxanne (Roxy) Henke practices her superpower everywhere she goes. She’s never met a stranger. You can connect with her at roxannehenke@gmail.com.
